Cornwall Hospital Triathlon - 2009 Race Report
Prologue
7 PM, Saturday evening. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, lathering up my legs. I've always had this curiosity about shaved legs but never had the nerve to try it. A couple days ago, I said, "what the heck", if I couldn't be fast on the course, at least I could look fast. I had picked up a 5-pack of twin-blade pink daisy razors earlier in the day. I was only planning on buying one, but a five-pack was the smallest they had. All lathered up, I carefully removed the plastic protective cover from the blade, admired the razor sharpness, shook my head in narcissistic shame, took a deep breath and made the first downward stroke through my 37-year old hair pants…. Nothing.
In my mind's eye, I had imagined the resulting fresh, clean, inch-and-a-half wide lovely strip of smooth baldness. But, that wasn't the case. The razor's head was clogged after a scant millimeter's travel down the leg. I was still optimistic, though, and washed it off, and continued with pass number two. Same deal. Pass three… not making too much progress. Passes four through twelve… hmmn, what's the trick here? By this time, I had only managed to clear a somewhat ragged patch about two inches long. This was going to take a while.
After pass twenty or so, I was getting so frustrated; I washed off all the lather, and took out my electric shaver. Hehehe, now we're making progress. I'll do a "Bulk" removal, and then come back with the razor to clean up! (Why hadn't I thought of this earlier).
7:20 PM, Saturday evening, I sat on the edge of the bathtub, with a pair of completely hacked up hair-pants. There was no turning back from here. I re-lathered and opened fresh blade #2. I was glad that I had gotten the 5-pack after all. My new plan was to use two blades per leg, and keep the last one for final grooming.
7:25 PM, it was going much better. I had set up some ground rules: 1. Always use a downward stroke, and 2. Not too hasty.
7:27 PM, I had wrapped up my right leg and was working on my left. I was a pro now, but it was getting to my head. I started shaving too quickly. And then, "ZING", that feeling you get when you cut yourself. I looked at the spot, and nothing, but then, slowly, the blood started oozing. And man, did IT sting!!! I persevered and pushed on.
7:32 PM, the moment I was dreading (so far, I had been doing this uninterrupted in secrecy), but then, the call from Guylaine from downstairs - "WHAT are you doing up there??? Are you coming down to help?" (with the dishes).
"UH, sure, I'll be right down". I figured I had between five and six minutes before she'd lose her patience and break up my extreme makeover. In a panic, I committed a cardinal sin, and started going against the grain - I was a desperate man.
7:38 PM, I unwrapped my silver bullet. Blade number 5: Final pass. I had done a good job budgeting the previous four blades.
7:40 PM, FINISHED! Oh, my god. The bathtub was a complete horror scene. I was thinking of taking a picture, but didn't want ever to be reminded again of the sight. There was enough "material" for me to open up my own Hair Club for Men franchise.
The final result - nice and smooth if I run my hands down, but not so much if I run my hands up, kind of like a 100-grit sandpaper. I could live with that. Smiling, I once again shook my head in shame. I was now ready for some serious competition!
Race
Swim - OK, although I felt slower than usual. T1 - enjoyed getting wetsuit stripped. Bike - Not bad, probably as fast as I could have gone. I did drop my bottle and stopped to get it. T2 - Felt good, lots of cheers. Run - OH NO - totally died. First 2K was 4:45 pace, but then the wheels fell off. I had that conversation with myself: "Come on man, don't give up! Let's go for it?" … "Ahhh…. Nah, next year."
Epilogue
The 2009 Cornwall Hospital Triathlon Weekend was absolutely fantastic. The Kids races on Saturday were an absolute blast , and the Sunday event was top-notch, definitely a best-of-class event.
Final Results
48/65 Overall, 18/20 M30-39 (ouch), final time 2:45:08. 1500m swim + T1 34:17 (2:18/100m); 40K Bike 1:16:31 (31.4 km/hr avg.); T2+10K run 54:21 (5:27 pace).
Official Results - Official Photos
7 PM, Saturday evening. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, lathering up my legs. I've always had this curiosity about shaved legs but never had the nerve to try it. A couple days ago, I said, "what the heck", if I couldn't be fast on the course, at least I could look fast. I had picked up a 5-pack of twin-blade pink daisy razors earlier in the day. I was only planning on buying one, but a five-pack was the smallest they had. All lathered up, I carefully removed the plastic protective cover from the blade, admired the razor sharpness, shook my head in narcissistic shame, took a deep breath and made the first downward stroke through my 37-year old hair pants…. Nothing.
In my mind's eye, I had imagined the resulting fresh, clean, inch-and-a-half wide lovely strip of smooth baldness. But, that wasn't the case. The razor's head was clogged after a scant millimeter's travel down the leg. I was still optimistic, though, and washed it off, and continued with pass number two. Same deal. Pass three… not making too much progress. Passes four through twelve… hmmn, what's the trick here? By this time, I had only managed to clear a somewhat ragged patch about two inches long. This was going to take a while.
After pass twenty or so, I was getting so frustrated; I washed off all the lather, and took out my electric shaver. Hehehe, now we're making progress. I'll do a "Bulk" removal, and then come back with the razor to clean up! (Why hadn't I thought of this earlier).
7:20 PM, Saturday evening, I sat on the edge of the bathtub, with a pair of completely hacked up hair-pants. There was no turning back from here. I re-lathered and opened fresh blade #2. I was glad that I had gotten the 5-pack after all. My new plan was to use two blades per leg, and keep the last one for final grooming.
7:25 PM, it was going much better. I had set up some ground rules: 1. Always use a downward stroke, and 2. Not too hasty.
7:27 PM, I had wrapped up my right leg and was working on my left. I was a pro now, but it was getting to my head. I started shaving too quickly. And then, "ZING", that feeling you get when you cut yourself. I looked at the spot, and nothing, but then, slowly, the blood started oozing. And man, did IT sting!!! I persevered and pushed on.
7:32 PM, the moment I was dreading (so far, I had been doing this uninterrupted in secrecy), but then, the call from Guylaine from downstairs - "WHAT are you doing up there??? Are you coming down to help?" (with the dishes).
"UH, sure, I'll be right down". I figured I had between five and six minutes before she'd lose her patience and break up my extreme makeover. In a panic, I committed a cardinal sin, and started going against the grain - I was a desperate man.
7:38 PM, I unwrapped my silver bullet. Blade number 5: Final pass. I had done a good job budgeting the previous four blades.
7:40 PM, FINISHED! Oh, my god. The bathtub was a complete horror scene. I was thinking of taking a picture, but didn't want ever to be reminded again of the sight. There was enough "material" for me to open up my own Hair Club for Men franchise.
The final result - nice and smooth if I run my hands down, but not so much if I run my hands up, kind of like a 100-grit sandpaper. I could live with that. Smiling, I once again shook my head in shame. I was now ready for some serious competition!
Race
Swim - OK, although I felt slower than usual. T1 - enjoyed getting wetsuit stripped. Bike - Not bad, probably as fast as I could have gone. I did drop my bottle and stopped to get it. T2 - Felt good, lots of cheers. Run - OH NO - totally died. First 2K was 4:45 pace, but then the wheels fell off. I had that conversation with myself: "Come on man, don't give up! Let's go for it?" … "Ahhh…. Nah, next year."
Epilogue
The 2009 Cornwall Hospital Triathlon Weekend was absolutely fantastic. The Kids races on Saturday were an absolute blast , and the Sunday event was top-notch, definitely a best-of-class event.
Final Results
48/65 Overall, 18/20 M30-39 (ouch), final time 2:45:08. 1500m swim + T1 34:17 (2:18/100m); 40K Bike 1:16:31 (31.4 km/hr avg.); T2+10K run 54:21 (5:27 pace).
Official Results - Official Photos
Ed Whitlock - I want a rematch!
a.k.a The Great Raisin River Foot Race
The finish stretch -- my elbow, followed closely by 78 y.o. Ed Whitlock
I made the swinging right hand turn past the long-horn cow and the goat pen and down the final gravel stretch. I could see the finish banner and the clock which appeared paused in time (it literally was due to a technical glitch).
"Here he comes Ladies and Gentlemen!" boomed the PA announcer. I reveled in the moment.
"Let's give a big round of applause for the fastest man in the world, in his age category!"
"Huh?" I turned my head slightly and there he was, the silver fox, 78 year old Ed Whitlock: riding my coat-tails.
The meters clicked off, while I held tense negotiations in my head. We were neck and neck, and the finish line was almost upon us.
Option 1: Sprint the last bit, and go down in history as the tool that out-sprinted Ed Whitlock in a 5K.
Option 2: Ease up and give him the finish line all to himself, and go down in history as the tool that got beat by Ed Whitlock in a 5K.
But then panic set in, what happens if *he* sprints for it, and I was forced to react.. I had nothing left in the tank, and he'd end up beating me fair and square.
So, in a moment that will live in infamy... or at least as long as SportStats is keeping records, I eased up. He glanced over at me, his smirk said it all, "You tool!"
Beeeep - I crossed the line in 29th place. 0.7 seconds behind a man twice my age. I guess Ed can add that to his resume-- fastest man in the world for his age group... check; 2:54 marathon at age 74... check; beat Phil Barnes in a 5K... check.
The final stats:
Official Results:
Sportstats Results
21:54.3 Final Time. 29/221 OA, 7/21 M30-39, 26/109 Men, 1/1 tools.
The finish stretch -- my elbow, followed closely by 78 y.o. Ed Whitlock
I made the swinging right hand turn past the long-horn cow and the goat pen and down the final gravel stretch. I could see the finish banner and the clock which appeared paused in time (it literally was due to a technical glitch).
"Here he comes Ladies and Gentlemen!" boomed the PA announcer. I reveled in the moment.
"Let's give a big round of applause for the fastest man in the world, in his age category!"
"Huh?" I turned my head slightly and there he was, the silver fox, 78 year old Ed Whitlock: riding my coat-tails.
The meters clicked off, while I held tense negotiations in my head. We were neck and neck, and the finish line was almost upon us.
Option 1: Sprint the last bit, and go down in history as the tool that out-sprinted Ed Whitlock in a 5K.
Option 2: Ease up and give him the finish line all to himself, and go down in history as the tool that got beat by Ed Whitlock in a 5K.
But then panic set in, what happens if *he* sprints for it, and I was forced to react.. I had nothing left in the tank, and he'd end up beating me fair and square.
So, in a moment that will live in infamy... or at least as long as SportStats is keeping records, I eased up. He glanced over at me, his smirk said it all, "You tool!"
Beeeep - I crossed the line in 29th place. 0.7 seconds behind a man twice my age. I guess Ed can add that to his resume-- fastest man in the world for his age group... check; 2:54 marathon at age 74... check; beat Phil Barnes in a 5K... check.
The final stats:
Official Results:
Sportstats Results
21:54.3 Final Time. 29/221 OA, 7/21 M30-39, 26/109 Men, 1/1 tools.
Twitter - let the cyber-bullying begin
Contador is interviewed, and then the shots get fired:
http://twitter.com/lancearmstrong
Axel Merckx (can I get a job next year at Radio Shack chimes in...)
http://twitter.com/axelmerckx
Johan pipes up
http://twitter.com/johanbruyneel
Paul Sheren adds
http://twitter.com/PaulSherwen
-but kind of back peddles-
and then Dave Z is just happy
http://twitter.com/dzabriskie
http://twitter.com/lancearmstrong
Seeing these comments from AC. If I were him I'd drop this drivel and start thanking his team. w/o them, he doesn't win. about 22 hours ago from web- and -
hey pistolero, there is no "i" in "team". what did i say in March? Lots to learn. Restated.about 22 hours ago from web
Axel Merckx (can I get a job next year at Radio Shack chimes in...)
http://twitter.com/axelmerckx
A champion is also measured on how much he respect his teammates and opponents. You can win a race on your own not a grand tour.about 22 hours ago from web
Johan pipes up
http://twitter.com/johanbruyneel
Sometimes it is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt!
Paul Sheren adds
http://twitter.com/PaulSherwen
African Proverb: what about this one from Sierra Leone: Do not tell the man who is carrying you that he stinksabout 12 hours ago from web
-but kind of back peddles-
Proverbs are not targeting anyone-used to guide one along the path of life- & are interprtated by reader- if anyone is upset i apologiseabout 11 hours ago from TwitterFon
and then Dave Z is just happy
http://twitter.com/dzabriskie
Finally... http://bit.ly/U549Y
Wasn't that a party.
So, the Tour is over for this year. The rest of the year will now feature going to bed on time.
Some awesome "hidden" coverage on Twitter this year. Bradley Wiggins is fast emerging as one of my fave riders. With Gems like this:
Cavendish slams Thor in the press, Thor turns around and rides the next stage 80% solo taking all the green jersey points
The day Di Luca gets busted for CERA
Morning after hang-over from Post Paris celebrations.
Some awesome "hidden" coverage on Twitter this year. Bradley Wiggins is fast emerging as one of my fave riders. With Gems like this:
Cavendish slams Thor in the press, Thor turns around and rides the next stage 80% solo taking all the green jersey points
Thor Husovd, what can I say, after a certain persons comments today, Thor sticks two fingers up in a way that only Thor can. A true Gent
11:05 AM Jul 22nd from mobile web
The day Di Luca gets busted for CERA
Di Luca, what a Wanker! unbelievable
3:21 PM Jul 22nd from mobile web
Morning after hang-over from Post Paris celebrations.
Hung over and tired today, The Jack Daniels was a bad idea
about 1 hour ago from mobile web
Getting Chicked, Part deux
Laura can 'Chick' with the best of them
After the ladies run, there was a 1K challenge for the kids (open to both boys and girls). Both our kids competed. Laura paced Andrew all the way (without her, he would have blown up after 100meters) - of course he took off on her with 50 meters to go. But Laura can certainly hold her own with big boys. Check her finish sequence here, as she "Chicks" with authority racer #603 - reeling him in and then dropping the hammer. Unfortunately, her chip didn't fire so she doesn't appear in the official results (we're working on that though!)
Triathlon Stimulus Package
1 x Louis Garneau Exo-Nerve bike helmet: this helmet makes me look the least dorky of all helmets I have owned; I did try the 'Rocket' but I just couldn't do it - maybe next year when aerolids are the norm.
1 x Brooks Ghost running shoes: $99.99; hopefully they work. Initial observations are - narrow toe box, but very light.
1 x Sierra Designs technical t-shirt: Oddly, I only have about 3 Tech Tees, and they all date back well over 3 years. They stink. The stink is unbearable. Nothing like a nice fresh t-shirt.
1 x Sugoi running short: Again, I only have 3 pairs of shorts that I like to run in. I often find myself re-using a dirty pair - oh, the sweet smell of swass is just lovely the second time around.
1 x Speedo Vanquisher Goggles (blue lenses): Pre-emptive strike. My current pair have been on their last legs for over a year. It's just a matter of time before the strap lets go.
2 x Kenda inner tubes: Guylaine is queen of the flats. "Phil, is it bad that biked home 20K on just my rim?"
2 x Veba running socks: Tired of being made fun of for running in my cotton tube socks.
3 x Dockers 'technical' socks: cheaper than high-tech Veba socks; anti-fungal, yum.
1 x AquaSeal cement: to fix the gaping holes in my wetsuit.
I'm doing my part - what are YOU doing!?!?
Les vices de Papa
Chocolate, coffee, beer, wine, candy and a technical t-shirt for running. Thank you!!!
Bonne fête des pères
Toronto Festival of Excellence
Pricilla Lopes-Schliep is one serious B.A.M.F
I was putting the laundry away last night around 7, and flipped on the tube. It was on TSN and I heard, "Men's Triathlon" - huh?
It was the Toronto Festival of Excellence, but the "Triathlon" they were plugging was 400m dash + Pole Vault + 110m hurdles. Nonetheless, I was still captivated by the athleticism (and frankly the production quality of the show). It took me nearly 90 minutes to finish the laundry, but I got to watch some seriously awesome stuff.
About 10 guys running the mile in sub-4 minutes (won by a Canadian). TV just does not do justice to how fast a 4 minute mile really is -- it looked like they were just jogging. Hussain Bolt was there, and gave a good show, winning the 100m dash, and being very gracious with the crowd and commentator afterwards. And, in what really amazed me, was the women's hurdles: where Pricilla Lopes-Shliep led Purdita Felicien all the way through the course, nearly stumbling at the end, but taking first place.
It was all pretty cool.
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