Getting Chicked

Riverkeeper 2008

"Getting Chicked" is a strange expression, that I had never heard until I started participating in triathlons. As, there's no official dictionary meaning, I infer it to mean when a guy is being passed by a woman, or beaten by a woman. On the surface, it seems sexist, but I can't help but smile when I say it. Maybe it's the way your cheeks are forced upwards on the "chick" part, and then the little, "td" part at the end makes a funny sound. In any event, I mean no disrepect to my fellow female participants.

The photo sequence here, was shot about 100 meters from the finish line at the Riverkeeper Triathlon in Ottawa. This was about a year ago. Here - immortalized in Pixels - is a guy (me), who appears to be getting seriously "chicked".

The truth is, I was completely blown away by this lady. This entire sequence was probably less than half a second long. What this picture does not show, is that not only did the women start 5 minutes after the men; but, this lady was 100 meters from the finish line, and I was 100 meters away from the 5K turn around; I still had 5K left to run.

Final race times. Me: 2:39 (en route to 54th overall); Her: 2:08 (en route to 3rd overall). According to the final results, I was "chicked" eight times in that race.

The "she" in these pictures, is actually Tenille Hoogland, and according to her blog:

Last weekend I did a local triathlon - Riverkeeper. It was a strong race. I had done a 10km race the day before though so I can’t say that my legs were ready to rock. It was fun though to be out there in the community and doing a triathlon with very little stress. I came first woman and third overall – next time I will try to get the guys too!

Well, fortunately for me, her 10K the day before slowed her down enough, so she could share some pixel space with me.

You have to hand it to her, the look on her face in the last picture appears to be of shear agony. I've only been able to dig deep in the red-zone like that two or three times. And this race appears to have been a fun run for her.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Phil "The Thrill"

Phil "The Trhill", makes his one-and-only race appearance

Race Report: Victoria Day 5K Chase

It was a gorgeous Victoria Day morning; a little cool, yet bright and sunny. A perfect morning for a chase. An impromptu race, put on by the CMC. In a chase format: staggered age-group start times, derived (probably) by some high-tech scientific formula. First person to cross the line wins. Only one problem, my wave starts next-to-last. I'm going to need a little extra encouragement for the race so I channel, Phil "The Thrill".

At the start line, Phil "The Thrill" whips off his sweats at the last minute, pulls on his Afro-wig, and dons the silk cape of champions. And we're off! It didn't give me any rocket-booster energy, but it garnered a few laughs and if nothing else, some sympathy for Guylaine.

Final Chase Time: 28:50, for 25th/57. "Chip Time": 22:38, for 19th/57. Category position: 1/1 "Crazy dudes with afros wearing silk shorts and a robe".

Eat your heart out, Alfred Hitchcock

The Birds, easy, try The Flies

I had that little pre-ride euphoria going on last night. I was watching the clock. 4:56, 4:57, 4:58, 4:59, 5:00 -- SEE YA! A day at the Ottawa office means an evening in Gatineau Park. 60K of awesome cycling.

Things were going better than expected. The park is now open to motorists, and all the hype on the local boards has been about a major shakedown on cyclists. Pfft. Nothing going on. I was only passed by a total of 15 vehicles en route to the Fortune Climb. No Park-Nazis or Taser-friendly gendarmerie anywhere to be seen.

After a successful assault on Fortune, I let myself coast down the 10% gradient. Sitting straight up like a sail, trying to stay below 60km/hr. I made the turn up the backside to Champlain, a beautifully forested area - approximately 3 kilometers of constant climbing. The world was mine. Everything was great. About two thirds of the way up, I let myself use final gear. What I didn't realise, was I was already tapped out.

Cue the horror music

My chain got jammed between my cassette and wheel. My entire bike locks up as I force down on the pedals with all my might. Boom! Man down. Of course this happens right in front of the guy, I'd just been working my ass of to pass. "Do you need help?" :: "No, I'm good thanks - chain just got jammed" :: "Bummer".

It should just be a 5 second job to fix right? Nope, that bastard was jammed in there real good. Geez, these flies are kind of annoying. Riding, even climbing at a modest 14km/hr I hadn't noticed them. But all of a sudden, they're really swarming me. Not helping the repair any. Another group of riders "You Okay? Need a tube?" :: "No, I'm good thanks".

Looks like I'm going to have to pop the back wheel off to get this thing unjammed. "Damn". These buggers are biting. In no time. I am covered head to toe with black flies. They've flocked to me and stuck to me like, well, flies to "excrement". I pick up my bike, and cross the road. I must be standing on their nest or something. They don't let up. Another couple of riders "T'es correct?" :: "Oui, ca va"

I'm starting to get really pissed. My chain is really jammed in there. I'm bleeding from the knee from the crash. I'm covered head to toe still with biting flies. My hands are black with oil. I'm starting to ooze blood from all my pores as the flies take off with chunks of my flesh. All I can think is to walk down hill and find a clearing.

The Walk of Shame

Down the hill I go. Bike on shoulder, back wheel hanging by the chain. Still covered in bugs. Swatting wildly at them. WTF am I going to do? I think about dumping the bike, and thumbing a ride :: figures, no cars anywhere. And of course, I'm exactly at the half-way point of the ride. "You need help?" over-and-over again, with each passing cyclist. Every 100 feet or so, I put the bike down and say to myself, "Ok - let's get it over with. Just put up with the flies and git'er'done." But 10 seconds at a time, is literally all I can bear. I continue my walk of shame down the hill, and then finally. The wheel drops off the chain!

Can I get a Hallelujiah

In 4 seconds, I clamp the back wheel back on, chain bypassing the derailleur. Phew. Relief, as I roll down the hill. Flies unable to keep up to me.

I make it to the overflow parking lot at the base of Fortune, and head right to the sunny middle. No flies to be found there! I'm able to get my chain back on. Get me the hell back home is all I can think about. So I take a short cut... And of course, the one and only day I go without my Garmin, I end up taking a wrong turn, and add an extra 10K to my trip.

The ride back was still hellacious as now, my chain has a wicked hop in it. Every 2 or 3 revolutions, and it skips a beat. Which is really fun when there are about 2 or 3 semi-monster climbs on the way home. Finally, I get back to the office. Looking in the mirror, I am greated by one ugly-looking dude. Oil smeared all over his face and in his ears, from swiping at bugs; blood dripping everywhere. All I can do is laugh.

Dad, do you have the chicken pox?

Andrew's first question to me this morning sums up the state of my arms.

Gatineau Park: See you next week for a rematch.

Last night's du

Just so I don't lose it, last night's du
R1, R2, T1, B15, T2, R1, R2, R3, R4
3:57 4:10, 0:48, 29:27, 0:27, 4:28, 5:09, 5:29, 5:03; 59:02 Total.
Too fast on first run. Bad T1. Lost chain on bike. Stopped to help Guylaine on bike. Died 2nd run.

Weekly Progress

Unable to defend the trophy

THE Trophy;

CTC 5K Run is Saturday, May 23 this year. And, unfortunately, I will not be able to defend my First-Place overall trophy. So that means that the Heisman of local running trophies is up for grabs this year.

Ontario's Best Triathlon - In my backyard.

Less than 109 days left before Ontario's Best Triathlon. The Cornwall Hospital Triathlon has just sent out their spring newsletter. Download the latest triathlon newsletter.

Some cool features this year

• A clock right at the swim exit to show your true swim time.
• Wetsuit strippers to help you shed your wetsuit on your way to the transition area.
• Music stations around the course.

If you're looking for a triathlon or duathlon in the Ontario, Quebec, New York State area - Come on down to Cornwall, I highly recommend it. This one doesn't conflict with Somersault's 1000 Islands triathlon in Brockville this year, so I might even be able to do both. Cornwall tri is on August 23rd.


As seen at Ironman Lake Placid, 'wetsuit strippers' are coming to the Cornwall Triathlon this year.

Race Report: The California Run 10K

When I was eleven years old, living in Brockville, I watched my Mom participate in the "California Run". This was a local 5K race, that at the time, to me, may have well as been the Boston Marathon. 5-kilometers! Can you ever imagine running that far!?!? I was in awe at the masses - the fifty or so that assembled on that rainy day was the largest group of runners I had ever seen together in one place. And MY mom was one of them! I was so proud.

Fast forward 26 years...

Dad, Mom, Me, Guylaine. Pre-race.

Guylaine and I made the trip down to Brockville, to help celebrate my Mom and Dad's graduation from their Learn-To-Run program (re-learn for Mom). The graduation race was the 2009 Edition of the California Run (so called, as a large portion of the run takes place on Brockville's California Boulevard). Mom and Dad were taking on the 5K, Guylaine and I the 10K. It was a gorgeous day for it - sunny and cool.

We lined up with the 170-or so other runners, and we were off!

My (secret) goal was to aim for 48 minutes. I was definitely hoping to best my MS-10K time. My new strategy is to intentionally seed myself towards the back, and take it very easy on the first kilometer - and then turn it up.

I was feeling really good for about the first 4 kilometers - and then around 5K, I started to get a stomach cramp and lost focus a bit. Towards 6K I was struggling with the cramp, and ended up tripping and rolling my ankle. Half-embarrassed, I soldiered on, the "angel" on my shoulder telling me to stop before I really hurt myself; the "devil" telling me to suck-it-up. I was about 96% ready to pack-it-up at the 6K mark, when a runner I had passed caught up to me. I'll stick with her for a bit and see how it goes. At 6.5K, I was getting pretty slow though. "Don't give up!" she said as she passed me by.

Hardware!

The encouragement worked. I kept on, and at the 7K mark, the cramp and ankle pain disappeared -- so off I went with a rush of renewed enthusiasm. I checked my watch, and figured I could probably beat 48 minutes.

The Splits:
01. 4:50
02. 4:22
03. 4:57
04. 4:25
05. 4:36
06. 4:51
07. 5:15
08. 4:29
09. 4:52
10. 4:26

Final Time: 47:07 (3 minutes better than last week!)

I finished 14th overall; but took first place in Men 30-39! Mom took 3rd place in her age group. Dad did well with a 28:something 5K, and Guylaine almost beat her 10K personal-best.