The triathlon training blog of Phil Barnes

Cornwall Hospital Triathlon - 2009 Race Report

7 PM, Saturday evening. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, lathering up my legs. I've always had this curiosity about shaved legs but never had the nerve to try it. A couple days ago, I said, "what the heck", if I couldn't be fast on the course, at least I could look fast. I had picked up a 5-pack of twin-blade pink daisy razors earlier in the day. I was only planning on buying one, but a five-pack was the smallest they had. All lathered up, I carefully removed the plastic protective cover from the blade, admired the razor sharpness, shook my head in narcissistic shame, took a deep breath and made the first downward stroke through my 37-year old hair pants…. Nothing.

In my mind's eye, I had imagined the resulting fresh, clean, inch-and-a-half wide lovely strip of smooth baldness. But, that wasn't the case. The razor's head was clogged after a scant millimeter's travel down the leg. I was still optimistic, though, and washed it off, and continued with pass number two. Same deal. Pass three… not making too much progress. Passes four through twelve… hmmn, what's the trick here? By this time, I had only managed to clear a somewhat ragged patch about two inches long. This was going to take a while.

After pass twenty or so, I was getting so frustrated; I washed off all the lather, and took out my electric shaver. Hehehe, now we're making progress. I'll do a "Bulk" removal, and then come back with the razor to clean up! (Why hadn't I thought of this earlier).

7:20 PM, Saturday evening, I sat on the edge of the bathtub, with a pair of completely hacked up hair-pants. There was no turning back from here. I re-lathered and opened fresh blade #2. I was glad that I had gotten the 5-pack after all. My new plan was to use two blades per leg, and keep the last one for final grooming.

7:25 PM, it was going much better. I had set up some ground rules: 1. Always use a downward stroke, and 2. Not too hasty.

7:27 PM, I had wrapped up my right leg and was working on my left. I was a pro now, but it was getting to my head. I started shaving too quickly. And then, "ZING", that feeling you get when you cut yourself. I looked at the spot, and nothing, but then, slowly, the blood started oozing. And man, did IT sting!!! I persevered and pushed on.

7:32 PM, the moment I was dreading (so far, I had been doing this uninterrupted in secrecy), but then, the call from Guylaine from downstairs - "WHAT are you doing up there??? Are you coming down to help?" (with the dishes).

"UH, sure, I'll be right down". I figured I had between five and six minutes before she'd lose her patience and break up my extreme makeover. In a panic, I committed a cardinal sin, and started going against the grain - I was a desperate man.

7:38 PM, I unwrapped my silver bullet. Blade number 5: Final pass. I had done a good job budgeting the previous four blades.

7:40 PM, FINISHED! Oh, my god. The bathtub was a complete horror scene. I was thinking of taking a picture, but didn't want ever to be reminded again of the sight. There was enough "material" for me to open up my own Hair Club for Men franchise.

The final result - nice and smooth if I run my hands down, but not so much if I run my hands up, kind of like a 100-grit sandpaper. I could live with that. Smiling, I once again shook my head in shame. I was now ready for some serious competition!

Swim - OK, although I felt slower than usual. T1 - enjoyed getting wetsuit stripped. Bike - Not bad, probably as fast as I could have gone. I did drop my bottle and stopped to get it. T2 - Felt good, lots of cheers. Run - OH NO - totally died. First 2K was 4:45 pace, but then the wheels fell off. I had that conversation with myself: "Come on man, don't give up! Let's go for it?" … "Ahhh…. Nah, next year."

The 2009 Cornwall Hospital Triathlon Weekend was absolutely fantastic. The Kids races on Saturday were an absolute blast , and the Sunday event was top-notch, definitely a best-of-class event.

Final Results
48/65 Overall, 18/20 M30-39 (ouch), final time 2:45:08. 1500m swim + T1 34:17 (2:18/100m); 40K Bike 1:16:31 (31.4 km/hr avg.); T2+10K run 54:21 (5:27 pace).

Official Results - Official Photos